Wisdom for Marriage

[Nannette]

18: Love is the Greatest

And so faith, hope, love abide [faith—conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope—joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love—true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:13

Why is love the greatest out of three worthy contenders? It is the greatest because it is God, for He is love (1 John 4:8). The apex of God’s attributes is love. This is why you go to God first for love. He is the lover of your soul, and the love of God far exceeds earth’s limited love.

This is the reason you look to Jesus as the supreme example of how to love. He says the two greatest commands hinge on love (Matthew 22:37-39). Love is God’s gold standard; it rises above other compelling character traits such as faith and hope.

Love is the theme that covers your character, seasons your service for Christ, and flavors your faith. It gives off a sweet aroma through trust, and gives gusto to grace. Love adds hotness to hope, potency to patience, and spice to selflessness. It brings brilliant Technicolor to life, in contrast to our bland black-and-white loveless living.

You can serve, provide for your families, cook a meal, feed the poor, attend church, and even worship; but if these lack love, you lose. You lose the blessing of God and you lose heaven’s reward because your motivation was not for your Master, Jesus Christ. Love is the greatest because it aligns your heart with Almighty God and is not lacking.

You are the greatest when you love because it draws attention to Jesus. Hands down, heaven is happiest over your unconditional and relentless love. So meditate on love as you rise in the morning, work during the day, and eat dinner at night with your family. Your spouse longs to be loved; this is their greatest need from you.

So love them lavishly in ways they want to be loved. Think often on love, and your actions will begin to follow your thoughts. What drives you? Is it love? Make love your motivation, and your happiness will spill over on to others. Love jump-starts joy and prolongs peace; it decreases pride and increases humility.

Love long and hard, love unbiased and unencumbered, love early and love late. Love the rich, the poor, and everyone in between. Love during the good times and the bad. Love the deserving and undeserving. Linger long in your love, and you will be a lasting influence for the Lord.

Lastly, great love takes on different forms. Your situation may require tough love, full of accountability and action. Or your friend may be crying out for tender love, rich in encouragement and lots of listening. Pray for God’s wisdom and discernment on how to love.

Your greatest contribution to mankind is love on behalf of the Lord Jesus Christ. Your greatest gift to God and others is love. Because He loved you first, you can love (I John 4:19). God is great, and He makes you great with love. You are your greatest when you get and give love.


Do I allow my heavenly Father to love me, so I in turn can love others?


Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

19: Honor Marriage

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexual immoral. Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is a sacred institution of God, and it is not to be taken lightly or treated with disrespect. It is easier in most cases to get a marriage license than a driver’s license, but this does not give you a license to live a reckless marriage.

To honor marriage means there is an understanding of commitment and a preparation for its success. Marriage requires much more than love. It is not just a convenient way for sex and it doesn’t threaten divorce when things get hard. Marriage is a lifetime of dedication to one person. Just as Jesus is committed to His bride, the church, for eternity (Revelation 19:7), so you remain faithful to your spouse.

Moreover, keep your marriage bed pure. You honor marriage when you keep the Lord’s definition—a man and a woman exclusively devoted and in love with each other—under the submission of Almighty God. Do not chase after a fantasy of sexual perfection with someone other than your spouse. Sex outside of marriage is wrong, and it breaks the heart of God and crushes the spirit of your spouse.

It is not a causal infraction, for its effects last a lifetime. However, leave it to God and a scriptural process on how and when to judge the adulterer. Hold back your rocks of verbal assault and forgive (John 8:3-11). Most important, prevent unfaithfulness by keeping your marriage bed pure and honorable and by falling deeper and deeper in love with the man or woman God has given you.

Lastly, create boundaries together, such as committing to one another that divorce is not an option. This fidelity to your mate starves fear, intimidation, and manipulation. Furthermore, agree to never be alone with someone of the opposite sex. This is a way to honor each other and to not find yourselves in compromising situations.

At the very least, you will avoid the appearance of evil. A marriage discipline of fidelity takes effort, definition, and accountability. Yes, you trust your wife or husband, but do not be naïve to think that temptation, Satan, and other lonely souls are not out to snare your spouse (Proverbs 7:10-23). Be on the offensive by planning purity.

One way to plan purity is to honor your spouse with your words. Words of disappointment and dissatisfaction about your spouse—shared indiscreetly with the opposite sex—fuel the fires of unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness starts with words, is furthered by indiscretion, and is executed by actions facilitated over a meal or a walk with a “friend.”

Therefore, remain true to your marriage vows and your marriage mate by exercising love and respect. Be smart, and create a robust love life, for a satisfying sex life at home is a strong preventative to adultery outside the home. Above all, honor your marriage by first honoring God.

How can I honor my marriage in a way that honors the Lord?

Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

20: Successful Marriages

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:31

Even successful marriages are fraught with mistakes. Marriage lessons are learned by trial and error or trial and terror, as some husbands and wives have experienced. Successful marriages don’t just happen by chance—not like a clock, that’s wound up and never given attention.

You become one flesh in marriage, but in reality it takes a lifetime of hard work, forgiveness, love, and respect to enjoy oneness. One flesh implies unity of purpose. It is alignment around beliefs and behavior, and if this is void in marriage, you become vulnerable to misplaced expectations and perpetual misery. Marriage requires working together.

Hard work is a necessity for successful marriages. This seems obvious, but we tend to drift toward being spousal sluggards when we become intoxicated by apathy. However, hard work is the fuel that keeps a marriage moving forward. We see the fruit of hard work in our career and raising children, as it produces satisfaction and significance.

But these results come from many hours of planning, communicating, training, and teaching. Indeed, your marriage is a direct result of the amount of effort you have expended. Don’t expect a harvest of marriage success if the seeds of forgiveness, love, and respect have not been planted in the soil of humility and trust.

Furthermore, the weeds of busyness have to be intentionally pulled out, before they choke out your love and friendship with your spouse. Busyness is the enemy of the best marriages, so labor toward a marriage with much margin. Robust marriages take time and trust.

Forgiveness in marriage means you take the time to say, “I was wrong” and “I am sorry,” and it means you take responsibility to confess your anger and selfishness. Moreover, it is the ability to not hold a grudge. God-like forgiveness forgives even before the offense has been committed (Colossians 3:13). It accepts apologies and does not bring up past hurts as a club of resentment.

Forgiveness is the footers in the foundation of a successful marriage. Above all else, successful marriages are made up of unconditional love and radical respect. No wife has ever complained of too much love, or a husband of an over-abundance of respect. Love is emotional, physical, and volitional. Husbands, you are to love sensitively, intimately, and willfully (Ephesians 5:25).

Wives, respect your husband out of love and loyalty. Respect is devoid of fear, so you trust your husband because he is accountable to God. Furthermore, marriage is your laboratory for Christianity because you learn to live for the Lord by learning to live for each other. You die to yourselves and come alive to each other. Marriage is your mirror of obedience to Jesus. Successful marriages reflect your oneness with God.

What types of success does the Lord want me to experience in marriage?

Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

21

Praying Husband

Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. Genesis 25:21

A praying husband appeals to the Lord for the sake of his wife. He bombards heaven on behalf of his bride with big things like having babies, and he is consistent in praying for his wife everyday for important matters such as peace and security.

Prayer is one of God’s select weapons that a husband can wield in defense of his woman. God has called you to be the spiritual warrior of your home, and prayer is your first line of defense. If prayer is compromised, then you have no air support from your heavenly Father.

Without prayer covering your home and wife, you and your family are open to blistering assaults from the devil and his demons. So pray for God’s hedge of protection (Job 1:10). The strategy of the stealth enemy is to keep you busy with only a token of prayer on your breath.

An overly active man is probably a prayerless man; a man consumed with his own deal is probably a prayerless man; a man absorbed by pride is probably a prayerless man; a man who serves a small God is probably a prayerless man; a man angry at his wife is probably a prayerless man. He is powerless as the spiritual leader (1 Peter 3:7).

Prayer for your wife leads you to forgive your wife, prayer for your wife leads you to love your wife, and prayer for your wife leads to the abundant life. You cannot pray for your wife and stay mad at her. You cannot pray for your wife and not want to hang out with her, for prayer facilitates intimacy. Prayer changes your heart and hers.

Therefore, agree together for a time apart just to pray (1 Corinthians 7:5), for prayer unleashes the resources and the blessings of God. Satan shudders at the thought of a praying husband. A husband will win the battle for his family if he fights the enemy on his knees. It is a posture of desperation for God that brings victory and reconciliation.

Therefore, get on your knees and do not get up until you have persevered in prayer for your helpmate. Courageously cry out to God on her behalf. Pray for her inner beauty to be reflected in her gorgeous countenance. Pray for her to feel God’s love and security. Pray for her to feel your love, support, and respect.

Pray for her to be at peace with God, herself, and you. Pray for her to forgive herself and to love herself. Pray for her to have wisdom and discernment as a wife and a mom. Pray for her to love God and hate sin. As you pray, see her as God’s daughter, she is forgiven and loved.

Thank the Lord for your wife and thank Him for her love for you. Thank Him for her unselfish service. Thank Him that she puts up with your idiosyncrasies. Pray for your wife that she will receive spiritual nourishment from God’s Word and spiritual leadership from you.

Do I pray for my wife to be loved and protected by her heavenly Father?

Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

22

Parental Gift


Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Jeremiah 29:6

For a parent, it is hard to give away a child in marriage. In marriage, you do gain a son or daughter, but you still feel like you are losing something. For some parents, it is much easier to give away time and money than to give away a child in marriage.

Even when you know in your heart it is absolutely God’s will, it is still difficult. However, this is another opportunity to point you back to God, for His timing is impeccable. It may still be hard to accept that marriage for your child is imminent. You may reflect, “This soon-to-be married adult child can’t already be ready for marriage.”

You were there for their first step, their first day of school, their first sleepover, their first sickness, their first school play, their first athletic event, their first date, and hopefully, by God’s grace, their first and only marriage.

It is hard to entrust your baby with someone whom you have known for only a minimal amount of time. Even if this new in-law loves God, it is still difficult. You know in your heart this person is the one, and you know they are meant for each other.

You know their character and maturity is robust and real. This is the right relationship, in the right way, for the right time. It is right. Now as the parent, you have to loosen your grip and let go. This is similar to the process you have gone through in each of your child’s transitions through life. During the good or bad stages, you held them with an open hand and trusted God with their lives.

This is a transition of trust for you as you let them leave so they can cleave. (Mark 10:7). But, God can be trusted with your adult child, as you have trusted Him in all other areas of your life. Your child is not exempt from this total trust. He will do a much better job of watching over them than you ever could with your limited time and wisdom.

His influence is far-reaching, and its expanse is much broader and deeper than a parent ripe with the truest of character. This is the role of our heavenly Father; He takes care of your children because they are His children. It is reassuring to know you parent under God’s authority to pull off this impossible task of parenting.

The Lord is an expert in managing the process of your children leaving and cleaving. Your part is to pray and be a good parent. God’s will is on display through this Christ-ordained marriage, for He has orchestrated a beautiful symphony of lives. Their harmony of love is uplifting and inspiring. As parents, you have done well and you can be proud. You have gained a son or daughter, and your heavenly Father is smiling and well pleased (Matthew 3:17).


Do I hold my married child with an open hand and entrust them to God?


Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

23: Ties that Bind


I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them. Hosea 11:4

You were not created to bear your burdens alone. God is there to come alongside you and lift your burdens with His love and kindness. Burdens borne alone will break your spirit and crush your confidence. It is the compassion of Christ that lifts you to new levels of love and assurance.

Do not hide your burdens in the depths of your dark side, for if you stuff hurt into the back of your mind it will slowly seep back out in unhealthy behaviors. Praise your Savior for He daily bears your burdens (Psalm 68:19). Someone may have let you down in a big way, because you loved them much, and they have disappointed you greatly.

You love large, but they rarely reciprocate back with the same degree of love and kindness. This subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, rejection has grown into a ‘big time’ burden. You tried to ignore its effect on your heart, but, overtime, your heart has become calloused.

Ironically, you are becoming like the one who has inflicted the harm. This burden of hurt will crush you if you do not come to terms with its raw reality. Service for your Savior and busyness in Kingdom activities will not erase its effect.

This is first and foremost between you and your heavenly Father. Go to Him and lay your burdens at His feet. Allow Him to tie up and bind your broken heart with His kindness, love, and forgiveness. He alone can bear this burden.

Manna from heaven is full of nourishment to your soul. His word is warm bread for your mind’s diet. His answered prayers are cool, refreshing living water that results in mature faith and garners hope for your heart. Let the Lord nourish your needy self with eternal nutrients. He will nurse your hurt heart back to health (Matthew 13:15).

A healthy heart, made whole by its Maker, is in a position of strength to do the same for friends. He bears your burden, so you can be a burden bearer for another (Galatians 6:2). Make it a point to ask others about their tears and trials.

Your kindness and love can be the tie that binds someone’s sick condition of despair into one of hope and encouragement. Look for a way to bear a brother or sister's burden in prayer, for it positions you to leverage kindness and love on behalf of the Lord.

Be a channel of Christ’s love and kindness by saying a simple prayer. The Holy Spirit is the glue of grace, so pray for His regular filling. Share your burdens with your heavenly Father, and those you can trust. Then bear the burdens of other people in the faith. These are the ties that bind and they lift you to love and be loved by God and others!

Am I appropriating the Lord’s love for my pain and the pain of others?

Wisdom for Marriage