Wisdom for Marriage

[Nannette]

18: Love is the Greatest

And so faith, hope, love abide [faith—conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope—joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love—true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.
I Corinthians 13:13

Why is love the greatest out of three worthy contenders? It is the greatest because it is God, for He is love (1 John 4:8). The apex of God’s attributes is love. This is why you go to God first for love. He is the lover of your soul, and the love of God far exceeds earth’s limited love.

This is the reason you look to Jesus as the supreme example of how to love. He says the two greatest commands hinge on love (Matthew 22:37-39). Love is God’s gold standard; it rises above other compelling character traits such as faith and hope.

Love is the theme that covers your character, seasons your service for Christ, and flavors your faith. It gives off a sweet aroma through trust, and gives gusto to grace. Love adds hotness to hope, potency to patience, and spice to selflessness. It brings brilliant Technicolor to life, in contrast to our bland black-and-white loveless living.

You can serve, provide for your families, cook a meal, feed the poor, attend church, and even worship; but if these lack love, you lose. You lose the blessing of God and you lose heaven’s reward because your motivation was not for your Master, Jesus Christ. Love is the greatest because it aligns your heart with Almighty God and is not lacking.

You are the greatest when you love because it draws attention to Jesus. Hands down, heaven is happiest over your unconditional and relentless love. So meditate on love as you rise in the morning, work during the day, and eat dinner at night with your family. Your spouse longs to be loved; this is their greatest need from you.

So love them lavishly in ways they want to be loved. Think often on love, and your actions will begin to follow your thoughts. What drives you? Is it love? Make love your motivation, and your happiness will spill over on to others. Love jump-starts joy and prolongs peace; it decreases pride and increases humility.

Love long and hard, love unbiased and unencumbered, love early and love late. Love the rich, the poor, and everyone in between. Love during the good times and the bad. Love the deserving and undeserving. Linger long in your love, and you will be a lasting influence for the Lord.

Lastly, great love takes on different forms. Your situation may require tough love, full of accountability and action. Or your friend may be crying out for tender love, rich in encouragement and lots of listening. Pray for God’s wisdom and discernment on how to love.

Your greatest contribution to mankind is love on behalf of the Lord Jesus Christ. Your greatest gift to God and others is love. Because He loved you first, you can love (I John 4:19). God is great, and He makes you great with love. You are your greatest when you get and give love.


Do I allow my heavenly Father to love me, so I in turn can love others?


Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

19: Honor Marriage

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexual immoral. Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is a sacred institution of God, and it is not to be taken lightly or treated with disrespect. It is easier in most cases to get a marriage license than a driver’s license, but this does not give you a license to live a reckless marriage.

To honor marriage means there is an understanding of commitment and a preparation for its success. Marriage requires much more than love. It is not just a convenient way for sex and it doesn’t threaten divorce when things get hard. Marriage is a lifetime of dedication to one person. Just as Jesus is committed to His bride, the church, for eternity (Revelation 19:7), so you remain faithful to your spouse.

Moreover, keep your marriage bed pure. You honor marriage when you keep the Lord’s definition—a man and a woman exclusively devoted and in love with each other—under the submission of Almighty God. Do not chase after a fantasy of sexual perfection with someone other than your spouse. Sex outside of marriage is wrong, and it breaks the heart of God and crushes the spirit of your spouse.

It is not a causal infraction, for its effects last a lifetime. However, leave it to God and a scriptural process on how and when to judge the adulterer. Hold back your rocks of verbal assault and forgive (John 8:3-11). Most important, prevent unfaithfulness by keeping your marriage bed pure and honorable and by falling deeper and deeper in love with the man or woman God has given you.

Lastly, create boundaries together, such as committing to one another that divorce is not an option. This fidelity to your mate starves fear, intimidation, and manipulation. Furthermore, agree to never be alone with someone of the opposite sex. This is a way to honor each other and to not find yourselves in compromising situations.

At the very least, you will avoid the appearance of evil. A marriage discipline of fidelity takes effort, definition, and accountability. Yes, you trust your wife or husband, but do not be naïve to think that temptation, Satan, and other lonely souls are not out to snare your spouse (Proverbs 7:10-23). Be on the offensive by planning purity.

One way to plan purity is to honor your spouse with your words. Words of disappointment and dissatisfaction about your spouse—shared indiscreetly with the opposite sex—fuel the fires of unfaithfulness. Unfaithfulness starts with words, is furthered by indiscretion, and is executed by actions facilitated over a meal or a walk with a “friend.”

Therefore, remain true to your marriage vows and your marriage mate by exercising love and respect. Be smart, and create a robust love life, for a satisfying sex life at home is a strong preventative to adultery outside the home. Above all, honor your marriage by first honoring God.

How can I honor my marriage in a way that honors the Lord?

Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

20: Successful Marriages

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:31

Even successful marriages are fraught with mistakes. Marriage lessons are learned by trial and error or trial and terror, as some husbands and wives have experienced. Successful marriages don’t just happen by chance—not like a clock, that’s wound up and never given attention.

You become one flesh in marriage, but in reality it takes a lifetime of hard work, forgiveness, love, and respect to enjoy oneness. One flesh implies unity of purpose. It is alignment around beliefs and behavior, and if this is void in marriage, you become vulnerable to misplaced expectations and perpetual misery. Marriage requires working together.

Hard work is a necessity for successful marriages. This seems obvious, but we tend to drift toward being spousal sluggards when we become intoxicated by apathy. However, hard work is the fuel that keeps a marriage moving forward. We see the fruit of hard work in our career and raising children, as it produces satisfaction and significance.

But these results come from many hours of planning, communicating, training, and teaching. Indeed, your marriage is a direct result of the amount of effort you have expended. Don’t expect a harvest of marriage success if the seeds of forgiveness, love, and respect have not been planted in the soil of humility and trust.

Furthermore, the weeds of busyness have to be intentionally pulled out, before they choke out your love and friendship with your spouse. Busyness is the enemy of the best marriages, so labor toward a marriage with much margin. Robust marriages take time and trust.

Forgiveness in marriage means you take the time to say, “I was wrong” and “I am sorry,” and it means you take responsibility to confess your anger and selfishness. Moreover, it is the ability to not hold a grudge. God-like forgiveness forgives even before the offense has been committed (Colossians 3:13). It accepts apologies and does not bring up past hurts as a club of resentment.

Forgiveness is the footers in the foundation of a successful marriage. Above all else, successful marriages are made up of unconditional love and radical respect. No wife has ever complained of too much love, or a husband of an over-abundance of respect. Love is emotional, physical, and volitional. Husbands, you are to love sensitively, intimately, and willfully (Ephesians 5:25).

Wives, respect your husband out of love and loyalty. Respect is devoid of fear, so you trust your husband because he is accountable to God. Furthermore, marriage is your laboratory for Christianity because you learn to live for the Lord by learning to live for each other. You die to yourselves and come alive to each other. Marriage is your mirror of obedience to Jesus. Successful marriages reflect your oneness with God.

What types of success does the Lord want me to experience in marriage?

Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

21

Praying Husband

Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant. Genesis 25:21

A praying husband appeals to the Lord for the sake of his wife. He bombards heaven on behalf of his bride with big things like having babies, and he is consistent in praying for his wife everyday for important matters such as peace and security.

Prayer is one of God’s select weapons that a husband can wield in defense of his woman. God has called you to be the spiritual warrior of your home, and prayer is your first line of defense. If prayer is compromised, then you have no air support from your heavenly Father.

Without prayer covering your home and wife, you and your family are open to blistering assaults from the devil and his demons. So pray for God’s hedge of protection (Job 1:10). The strategy of the stealth enemy is to keep you busy with only a token of prayer on your breath.

An overly active man is probably a prayerless man; a man consumed with his own deal is probably a prayerless man; a man absorbed by pride is probably a prayerless man; a man who serves a small God is probably a prayerless man; a man angry at his wife is probably a prayerless man. He is powerless as the spiritual leader (1 Peter 3:7).

Prayer for your wife leads you to forgive your wife, prayer for your wife leads you to love your wife, and prayer for your wife leads to the abundant life. You cannot pray for your wife and stay mad at her. You cannot pray for your wife and not want to hang out with her, for prayer facilitates intimacy. Prayer changes your heart and hers.

Therefore, agree together for a time apart just to pray (1 Corinthians 7:5), for prayer unleashes the resources and the blessings of God. Satan shudders at the thought of a praying husband. A husband will win the battle for his family if he fights the enemy on his knees. It is a posture of desperation for God that brings victory and reconciliation.

Therefore, get on your knees and do not get up until you have persevered in prayer for your helpmate. Courageously cry out to God on her behalf. Pray for her inner beauty to be reflected in her gorgeous countenance. Pray for her to feel God’s love and security. Pray for her to feel your love, support, and respect.

Pray for her to be at peace with God, herself, and you. Pray for her to forgive herself and to love herself. Pray for her to have wisdom and discernment as a wife and a mom. Pray for her to love God and hate sin. As you pray, see her as God’s daughter, she is forgiven and loved.

Thank the Lord for your wife and thank Him for her love for you. Thank Him for her unselfish service. Thank Him that she puts up with your idiosyncrasies. Pray for your wife that she will receive spiritual nourishment from God’s Word and spiritual leadership from you.

Do I pray for my wife to be loved and protected by her heavenly Father?

Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

22

Parental Gift


Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Jeremiah 29:6

For a parent, it is hard to give away a child in marriage. In marriage, you do gain a son or daughter, but you still feel like you are losing something. For some parents, it is much easier to give away time and money than to give away a child in marriage.

Even when you know in your heart it is absolutely God’s will, it is still difficult. However, this is another opportunity to point you back to God, for His timing is impeccable. It may still be hard to accept that marriage for your child is imminent. You may reflect, “This soon-to-be married adult child can’t already be ready for marriage.”

You were there for their first step, their first day of school, their first sleepover, their first sickness, their first school play, their first athletic event, their first date, and hopefully, by God’s grace, their first and only marriage.

It is hard to entrust your baby with someone whom you have known for only a minimal amount of time. Even if this new in-law loves God, it is still difficult. You know in your heart this person is the one, and you know they are meant for each other.

You know their character and maturity is robust and real. This is the right relationship, in the right way, for the right time. It is right. Now as the parent, you have to loosen your grip and let go. This is similar to the process you have gone through in each of your child’s transitions through life. During the good or bad stages, you held them with an open hand and trusted God with their lives.

This is a transition of trust for you as you let them leave so they can cleave. (Mark 10:7). But, God can be trusted with your adult child, as you have trusted Him in all other areas of your life. Your child is not exempt from this total trust. He will do a much better job of watching over them than you ever could with your limited time and wisdom.

His influence is far-reaching, and its expanse is much broader and deeper than a parent ripe with the truest of character. This is the role of our heavenly Father; He takes care of your children because they are His children. It is reassuring to know you parent under God’s authority to pull off this impossible task of parenting.

The Lord is an expert in managing the process of your children leaving and cleaving. Your part is to pray and be a good parent. God’s will is on display through this Christ-ordained marriage, for He has orchestrated a beautiful symphony of lives. Their harmony of love is uplifting and inspiring. As parents, you have done well and you can be proud. You have gained a son or daughter, and your heavenly Father is smiling and well pleased (Matthew 3:17).


Do I hold my married child with an open hand and entrust them to God?


Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

23: Ties that Bind


I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them. Hosea 11:4

You were not created to bear your burdens alone. God is there to come alongside you and lift your burdens with His love and kindness. Burdens borne alone will break your spirit and crush your confidence. It is the compassion of Christ that lifts you to new levels of love and assurance.

Do not hide your burdens in the depths of your dark side, for if you stuff hurt into the back of your mind it will slowly seep back out in unhealthy behaviors. Praise your Savior for He daily bears your burdens (Psalm 68:19). Someone may have let you down in a big way, because you loved them much, and they have disappointed you greatly.

You love large, but they rarely reciprocate back with the same degree of love and kindness. This subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, rejection has grown into a ‘big time’ burden. You tried to ignore its effect on your heart, but, overtime, your heart has become calloused.

Ironically, you are becoming like the one who has inflicted the harm. This burden of hurt will crush you if you do not come to terms with its raw reality. Service for your Savior and busyness in Kingdom activities will not erase its effect.

This is first and foremost between you and your heavenly Father. Go to Him and lay your burdens at His feet. Allow Him to tie up and bind your broken heart with His kindness, love, and forgiveness. He alone can bear this burden.

Manna from heaven is full of nourishment to your soul. His word is warm bread for your mind’s diet. His answered prayers are cool, refreshing living water that results in mature faith and garners hope for your heart. Let the Lord nourish your needy self with eternal nutrients. He will nurse your hurt heart back to health (Matthew 13:15).

A healthy heart, made whole by its Maker, is in a position of strength to do the same for friends. He bears your burden, so you can be a burden bearer for another (Galatians 6:2). Make it a point to ask others about their tears and trials.

Your kindness and love can be the tie that binds someone’s sick condition of despair into one of hope and encouragement. Look for a way to bear a brother or sister's burden in prayer, for it positions you to leverage kindness and love on behalf of the Lord.

Be a channel of Christ’s love and kindness by saying a simple prayer. The Holy Spirit is the glue of grace, so pray for His regular filling. Share your burdens with your heavenly Father, and those you can trust. Then bear the burdens of other people in the faith. These are the ties that bind and they lift you to love and be loved by God and others!

Am I appropriating the Lord’s love for my pain and the pain of others?

Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

24: Quiet Love

The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

The love of God quiets the soul. There is nothing more soothing to the soul of a man or a woman than the love of their Savior. His love transcends the ‘trash talk’ of troubled people. The world’s remedies can be loud and obnoxious, but not the Lord’s love.

His love penetrates the proudest of hearts with gentle promptings of care and concern. Pride likes to figure things out without assistance from the love of the Lord for it sees the receiving of love as a sign of weakness. It rightly concludes that to be loved means you are dependent on something other than yourself for direction and purpose.

But, the love of God provides purpose for every recipient. Quietly and effectively God’s love calms your nerves and reminds you of whose you are. You are important because you are His. You are the object of God’s quiet and lavish love, for He only loves whom He values.

Love covers a multitude of sins and sorrows, ""above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins"" (I Peter 4:8). If you are stressed, let Him quiet you with His love. If you are fearful, let Him quiet you with His love.

If you are angry, let Him quiet you with His love. If you are rejected, let Him quiet you with His love. If you are confused, let Him quiet you with His love. If you are desperate, let Him quiet you with His love. His love is active and effective.

It is not a lost love waiting to be found. His love initiates and it is seeking to find you and love you at your point of need. The love of the Lord is calling out for you, like a mom who stands at her front door calling her children to come in from play.

Don’t get so busy playing and/or working that you miss God’s invitation to love. Don’t be so worried about work that you ignore the Lover of your soul. His love lingers over your life waiting to invade, so welcome His intimacy. God is with you and He is mighty to save.

He delights in you and desires His very best on your behalf, so be quiet and listen. Do you hear his compassionate voice? Do you feel His calming presence? His warm embrace may squeeze a tear from your eye; for this is what His love does, it moves your emotions.

He loves you simply because you are His. He cannot ‘not’ love you, so be still and be loved by the Lord! “The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness” (Jeremiah 31:3).

Have I allowed the Lord’s quiet love to save and sooth my soul?

 

[Nannette]

25: Meaningful Marriage


“Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:4-6

Marriage means something, because God says it means something. He invented marriage and as the inventor is very proud of His creation. The Lord’s primary purpose of a man and a woman coming together in Holy matrimony is to glorify Him. Thus a marriage built on Christ points people to His character and to His perspective on relationships.

For example God’s definition of love is active and other centered, so when we read “love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4), we express a kind and caring attitude toward our spouse. There is a culture of humility in meaningful marriages that is quick to put the other person’s needs before our own. A fulfilling marriage first follows Christ’s commands.

“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Love looks for ways to love like God loves.

Moreover, a meaningful marriage is made up of a man and a woman who are intentional in their investment in each other. A husband cherishes his wife when he prays for her to grow in God’s grace and when he seeks her counsel and advice. A wife honors her husband when she prays for him to grow in God’s wisdom and when she sees him as the spiritual leader. A marriage of significance is one that plans and prepares on purpose.

“But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations” (Psalm 33:11).

Wise are the woman and man who learn and discern the Lord’s purpose for marriage and then plan to live it out. So, with bold humility hitch your marriage wagon to heaven’s tractor of trust. The ride is not always smooth and easy, but it is a great adventure with Jesus and your best friend. Ride out the rough spots by faith and forgiveness—and celebrate God’s goodness along the way. A meaningful marriage is fun and fulfilling for Christ’s sake.

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:7-8).

How can I make my marriage more meaningful? Have I surrender to Christ’s Lordship?


Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Removed]

17: Love Never Fails

8 Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. As for prophecy (the gift of interpreting the divine will and purpose), it will be fulfilled and pass away; as for tongues, they will be destroyed and cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away [it will lose its value and be superseded by truth].
I Corinthians 13:8

Because you are successful when you love, love never fails. Failure is not an option for love because you can only succeed. With love, success is guaranteed, though it may seem like you are losing when love is not getting the desired results. You can labor in love with someone for a long period of time, and they still seem unfazed by your unconditional “agape.”

However, you are still successful; you get an A for your consistent efforts to love. Some may describe your scenario as unsuccessful, but you know better. You know that if you have been obedient to love, the results are in God’s hands (Deuteronomy 30:16). He is the one who can soften a hardened heart, and He is the one who can change a person’s mind. Love never fails because Almighty God is its author.

Your part is to love and His part is to draw people to Himself (Jeremiah 31:3). Love in your leadership, and you are successful; love in your marriage, and you are successful; love in your friendships, and you are successful; love in your speech and behavior, and you are a roaring success.

Unfortunately, a person can have a rich net worth but character that lacks love. If they fail to love, they fail. Furthermore, your increase in resources provides a variety of options by which to express your love. Make it one of your goals to be as successful in your loving as you are in your business or career.

“Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart” (1 Peter 1:22).

This is why moms are celebrities of love; they love long and they love hard. Moms are unselfish lovers because they love when no one is looking. In the middle of the night, they minister to their little ones. Your motherly love is a badge of honor. Moms are the unsung heroes of unselfish love.

You may feel like a failure with your children because parenting is hard. It is hard to teach, train, and lead your children to obey God, and sometimes it is hard to love them. You want to pull out the hair from their sweet little scalps, instead of planting a loving kiss on their fragile foreheads. And because you never stop loving them, you do not fail. You are successful when you love by imparting wisdom (Proverbs 4:6).

Indeed, there are lots of ways you can fail. You can fail in your job; you can fail in your finances; you can fail in school; you can fail to follow up. But, you can never fail when you love. It may mean resigning from a time-consuming responsibility so that you have more margin for love. Heaven gives you high marks for your unconditional love, so stay enrolled in the school of love, and graduate when you get to glory.

What are some ways I can celebrate God’s successes of love through me?

Related Readings: Psalm 77:8; 89:28; Lamentations 3:22


Wisdom for Marriage

Our marriages, our likenesses are what spouses have in common with each other. And to a degree that a couple has
primary spiritual matters in common, they will enjoy genuine fellowship with each other. What unites them are the
primary matters they appreciate about each other. But are these likenesses eternal values, or merely superficial
interests? Physical appearances, golf, kids---all these interests can change, and as they change you will thereby grow
apart. For instance, the well-known problem of the empty-nest syndrome is that when children move out, the couple
realizes that without the kids they really have nothing in common. But on the other hand, a couple that has prioritized
eternal values will grow stronger in the Lord despite changing circumstances. By way of illustration, two tires certainly
resemble each other, but are in alignment with each other only when each is in alignment with the chassis. When a
couple makes a priority of the mutual commitment to Messiah's eternal values, they are moving forward with the Lord
in marital alignment to Him and thereby to each other.

Shalom Aleichem

 

[Phoebe]

Our marriages, our likenesses are what spouses have in common with each other. And to a degree that a couple has
primary spiritual matters in common, they will enjoy genuine fellowship with each other. What unites them are the
primary matters they appreciate about each other. But are these likenesses eternal values, or merely superficial
interests? Physical appearances, golf, kids---all these interests can change, and as they change you will thereby grow
apart. For instance, the well-known problem of the empty-nest syndrome is that when children move out, the couple
realizes that without the kids they really have nothing in common. But on the other hand, a couple that has prioritized
eternal values will grow stronger in the Lord despite changing circumstances. By way of illustration, two tires certainly
resemble each other, but are in alignment with each other only when each is in alignment with the chassis. When a
couple makes a priority of the mutual commitment to Messiah's eternal values, they are moving forward with the Lord
in marital alignment to Him and thereby to each other.

Shalom Aleichem

Marriage is made up of many ingredients, the two that come to mind are romantic emotion and willful commitment. You really need both to make your marriage thrive. A very wise mentor told us once, “Without a willful commitment marriage is mockery, and without romantic emotion it is drudgery.”

The best relationships have both. A willful commitment to make your marriage work will bring more romance, and your marriage will be deeper, fresher, and stronger than you can even now imagine. Sometimes love is hard work, but it’s always worth it. Receive God’s gift of love—and then offer it to your spouse.

 

[Removed]

Marriage is made up of many ingredients, the two that come to mind are romantic emotion and willful commitment. You really need both to make your marriage thrive. A very wise mentor told us once, “Without a willful commitment marriage is mockery, and without romantic emotion it is drudgery.”

The best relationships have both. A willful commitment to make your marriage work will bring more romance, and your marriage will be deeper, fresher, and stronger than you can even now imagine. Sometimes love is hard work, but it’s always worth it. Receive God’s gift of love—and then offer it to your spouse.

To appreciate our commonality is to recognize that we have more similarities than differences. When Adam first gazes on Eve,
he says (in Hebrew) "zot ha paam" (literally, "this, the time"). This is best understood as an exclamation: "Now, this is it!"
Or quite simply, "WOW!" For the very first time in Scripture the words of a human being are recorded in direct discourse,
and it is a "wow" moment! Adam is thrilled with the woman that God has presented to him. Man immediately appreciates
the woman.
Adam then says, "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh," He immediately recognizes her similarity to him
and identifies with her. Their similarity is undeniable, since she is made from his rib, which is his flesh and bone.
Neither of them is created ex nihilo (out of nothing). Instead, they are both made from available substances (he from
dust, she from his rib), and are both formed and constructed as the handiwork of God.

In Scripture, the Hebrew word for "flesh" (basar) is a symbol of weakness, and the Hebrew word for "bone" (etsem) means
"to make strong." Adam recognizes that she is weak in the flesh, like him, but also that she is strong like him. So it is with
men and women today---they both have strengths and weaknesses. Adam's leadership is seen in his recognition of
that fact, rather than the false idea that she is weak and he is strong.

For Adam to say that Eve is "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh" is more than just a literal statement from the
Hebrew Bible. It is used to affirm that we are alike, we are much more the same than we are different, and we can
fully accept each other on that basis. This same phrase is used elsewhere in Scripture as a pledge of loyalty (2 Sam. 5:1).
Taken this way the man's statement "bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh" becomes a covenantal statement of
his lifelong commitment to Eve. Often Messianic couples simply forget how much they have in common. They may
take commonalities for granted and end up majoring in the minors, rather than majoring in the majors. It is vitally
important for couples to recognize and identify their primary areas of commonality.

These first words of humanity recorded in Scripture, used in the wedding ceremony of Adam and Eve, establish the
equality of all humankind while setting humanity apart from the animals. Adam and Eve are now partners and
"fellow heir of the grace of life" (1 Peter 3:7). What a beautiful picture of Adam's leadership in the marriage!
His leadership is not seen as dominating her, for before sin and following Messiah's redemption, husbands are
called to "nurture" their wives. By application to the larger paradigm of society, these shared values are the
foundation of a strong marriage, community, and society, especially for those that are privileged to lead
in service to others.

Shalom

 

[Phoebe]

Before the fall Adam And Eve were covered with God's Shekinah Glory.

The word “Shekinah” was adopted by Christians as a way of describing God’s presence with His people. The phrase “Shekinah glory” is a symbol referring to that divine presence. God promised to “dwell among” His people: “And there I will meet with you, and I will speak with you from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubim which are on the ark of the Testimony” (Exodus 25:22).

After they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil they found them self's naked.

In the biblical narrative of Genesis, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is one of two special trees in the Garden of Eden, the other being the tree of life. God instructed Adam and Eve not to eat from this tree, warning that doing so would result in death. The tree is a symbol of choice and the consequences of disobedience, as eating from it leads to the understanding of good and evil, but also to the experience of mortality and separation from God.

 

[Wilber]

Before the fall Adam And Eve were covered with God's Shekinah Glory.

The word “Shekinah” was adopted by Christians as a way of describing God’s presence with His people. The phrase “Shekinah glory” is a symbol referring to that divine presence. God promised to “dwell among” His people: “And there I will meet with you, and I will speak with you from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubim which are on the ark of the Testimony” (Exodus 25:22).

After they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil they found them self's naked.

In the biblical narrative of Genesis, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is one of two special trees in the Garden of Eden, the other being the tree of life. God instructed Adam and Eve not to eat from this tree, warning that doing so would result in death. The tree is a symbol of choice and the consequences of disobedience, as eating from it leads to the understanding of good and evil, but also to the experience of mortality and separation from God.

In a spiritual sense, God’s goal is to “reside”, to be a permanent resident, with His people. He can “reside’ in your heart, mind, and lifestyle if you want Him to. His glory of God is always available to us. All we have to do is ask for it and be willing to let His Shekinah glory be the controlling element of your marriage.

 

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Before the fall Adam And Eve were covered with God's Shekinah Glory.

The word “Shekinah” was adopted by Christians as a way of describing God’s presence with His people. The phrase “Shekinah glory” is a symbol referring to that divine presence. God promised to “dwell among” His people: “And there I will meet with you, and I will speak with you from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubim which are on the ark of the Testimony” (Exodus 25:22).

After they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil they found them self's naked.

In the biblical narrative of Genesis, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil is one of two special trees in the Garden of Eden, the other being the tree of life. God instructed Adam and Eve not to eat from this tree, warning that doing so would result in death. The tree is a symbol of choice and the consequences of disobedience, as eating from it leads to the understanding of good and evil, but also to the experience of mortality and separation from God.

The word shekinah does not appear in the Bible, but the concept clearly does. The Jewish rabbis coined this extra-biblical expression, a form of a Hebrew word that literally means “he caused to dwell,” signifying that it was a divine visitation of the presence or dwelling of the Lord God on this earth. The Shekinah was evident when the Israelites set out from Succoth in their escape from Egypt. There the Lord appeared in a cloudy pillar in the day and a fiery pillar by night: “After leaving Succoth they camped at Etham on the edge of the desert. By day the LORD went ahead of them in a pillar of cloud to guide them on their way and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, so that they could travel by day or night. Neither the pillar of cloud by day nor the pillar of fire by night left its place in front of the people” (Exodus 13:20–22).
Shalom

 

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20: Successful Marriages

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:31

Even successful marriages are fraught with mistakes. Marriage lessons are learned by trial and error or trial and terror, as some husbands and wives have experienced. Successful marriages don’t just happen by chance—not like a clock, that’s wound up and never given attention.

You become one flesh in marriage, but in reality it takes a lifetime of hard work, forgiveness, love, and respect to enjoy oneness. One flesh implies unity of purpose. It is alignment around beliefs and behavior, and if this is void in marriage, you become vulnerable to misplaced expectations and perpetual misery. Marriage requires working together.

Hard work is a necessity for successful marriages. This seems obvious, but we tend to drift toward being spousal sluggards when we become intoxicated by apathy. However, hard work is the fuel that keeps a marriage moving forward. We see the fruit of hard work in our career and raising children, as it produces satisfaction and significance.

But these results come from many hours of planning, communicating, training, and teaching. Indeed, your marriage is a direct result of the amount of effort you have expended. Don’t expect a harvest of marriage success if the seeds of forgiveness, love, and respect have not been planted in the soil of humility and trust.

Furthermore, the weeds of busyness have to be intentionally pulled out, before they choke out your love and friendship with your spouse. Busyness is the enemy of the best marriages, so labor toward a marriage with much margin. Robust marriages take time and trust.

Forgiveness in marriage means you take the time to say, “I was wrong” and “I am sorry,” and it means you take responsibility to confess your anger and selfishness. Moreover, it is the ability to not hold a grudge. God-like forgiveness forgives even before the offense has been committed (Colossians 3:13). It accepts apologies and does not bring up past hurts as a club of resentment.

Forgiveness is the footers in the foundation of a successful marriage. Above all else, successful marriages are made up of unconditional love and radical respect. No wife has ever complained of too much love, or a husband of an over-abundance of respect. Love is emotional, physical, and volitional. Husbands, you are to love sensitively, intimately, and willfully (Ephesians 5:25).

Wives, respect your husband out of love and loyalty. Respect is devoid of fear, so you trust your husband because he is accountable to God. Furthermore, marriage is your laboratory for Christianity because you learn to live for the Lord by learning to live for each other. You die to yourselves and come alive to each other. Marriage is your mirror of obedience to Jesus. Successful marriages reflect your oneness with God.

What types of success does the Lord want me to experience in marriage?

Wisdom for Marriage

1 Peter 3:7 instructs husbands to live with their wives "in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered."

The word translated here as "showing" is better understood as "to grant or dispense." You are granting her honor;
she does not need to go after the honor in order to attain it. you are to freely give it to her. She does not have to earn
it with great meals or having to be a Proverbs 31 wife. Simply because she is your wife you are to grant, show, and give
her honor and value. We read in Hebrews 5:4, "And no one takes the honor for himself." It is unseemly for a person to
speak highly of herself to gain honor. Honor is to be granted to her so she is not to be taken for granted!

In your attitude and mind, designate her as valuable and not as useless, then let your actions show your respect for that
value. When Sarah was misjudged, Abraham received a thousand pieces of silver for any dishonor shown to her (Gen 20:16).
A story is told of a man who paid a dowry of seven cows for a woman to be his wife. No one had ever paid more than
five cows before, and for an ordinary woman two or maybe three cows are average. When this woman heard of this
high price and how her husband valued her, she took on a beauty from within that made her almost unrecognizable.
He indeed had a seven cow wife! What is your wife's value to you? You get what you pay for!

Shalom Aleichem

 

[Nannette]

26: Love Him

“Love the LORD, all his saints! The LORD preserves the faithful, but the proud he pays back in full.” Psalm 31:23

God commands His saints to love Him, and He loves you so you can love Him. Love and the Lord go hand-in-hand, for you are locked into a love relationship with your Savior. The question is not ‘if’ you love the Lord, but ‘how’ you love the Lord.

Yes your love for Christ pales in comparison to His love for you. However, you love because the Lord is worthy of your love. He longs for your love, and He invites and desires your love. Indeed, God is honored and worshiped when His saints love him. Your love holds Him in eternal esteem. What joy, for you can love the Lover of your soul.

Unredeemed sinners cannot love the Lord because they are incapable of loving Him. This is a perk that only disciples of Christ can enjoy. Unless you have been converted by the free grace of God, you cannot love Him. Love for the Lord is not unlocked until you turn the key of faith. It affords you the opportunity to love the Lord. You will remain unfulfilled, lost and confused until you are able to love Him.

Loving your Creator completes you, His creation. Your relationship with the Lord is tolerable at best without an engaging and loving relationship. Loving the Lord moves you out of the basement of embarrassment to the balcony of basking in His presence.

Love lifts you to the Lord and He is drawn to your love. He loves to be loved by His children. It is love of the Lord that starts you out in your faith and sustains your faith. Loving the Lord fuels your faith, energizes your soul and galvanizes your beliefs.

It enflames hope and feeds forgiveness. Furthermore, loving the Lord is a catalyst for becoming more like Him. You take on the traits of whom and what you love. You are a reflection of the objects of your affections. Therefore, love Him, because you want to be like Him.

Transformation into the character of Christ is the goal for those who love Him. So, love the Lord with your whole being. Love Him with your body, soul and spirit. Love Him physically by taking care of the body He created. Keep it pure and healthy.

Love Him emotionally by processing and expressing your feelings. Allow Him to convert your anger into holy passion. Allow your love for Him to explode in the emotion of thanksgiving, praise and celebration.

Moreover, love Him with your spirit. Connect with Christ in prayer and meditation on His Word. He reveals His will for seeking souls, so love Him in the morning, in the noontime and love Him when the sun goes down. Since loving Him is right, you don’t want to be wrong.

Therefore, love the Lord without ceasing. Execute His greatest commandment by loving your Lover. He loves us so we can love Him!

What are some practical ways I can love Jesus with my heart and mind?


Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

27: Loving Lord

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him. Jeremiah 3:22-24

The love of God keeps you from being consumed by the fiery flames of grief. Your sorrows can overwhelm you, but He is there as your loving heavenly Father to see you through your sadness. The love of God is a peacemaker when you become consumed with conflict.

His love mediates and works out solutions for all willing parties. Pride melts under the loving influence of God. Worry is consuming until it comes under the direct influence of God’s love, for His love exudes peace. Thus, the peace of God and the worry of the world cannot coexist. Fear can be all consuming, however, the love of God flushes out fear and replaces it with trust.

The love of God floods your soul with faith, and fear vanquishes under its influence. His compassions never fail for God has a deep awareness and concern for your heartache. His compassions never fail for they give hope you can hang on to for future resolution.

His compassions never fail for they provide companionship with your friend Jesus. His compassions never fail for they extend forgiveness to a contrite and hurting heart. His compassions solicit a successful soul. Great is His faithfulness. His faithfulness is greater than the depths of the sea (six miles at its deepest point), and it is greater than the highest mountain (six miles at its highest point).

The entire universe cannot contain the faithfulness of God, for it is far-reaching and deep. People will fail you, but God is still faithful. Work will fail you, but God is still faithful. Your health will fail you, but God is still faithful.

Finances will fail you, but God is still faithful. Circumstances will fail you, but God is still faithful. You will fail, but God is still faithful. He does what He says He will do, so you do not ever have to second-guess the Lord. He is there for you, your family, your friends and your enemies. He is faithful. He cannot; not be faithful.

For God to not be faithful would be like the sun not to rise, or the moon not to shine. This is not possible, just as it is impossible for God to be unfaithful. He will be faithful to lead you to the right spouse, the right career, and the right friends.

He can be trusted, so let go of your inhibitions and trust Him. You can trust Him with your future, your health, and your eternity. Therefore, wait on him for He is worth the wait. Use the opportunity of waiting to trust and obey Him, the Bible teaches, “I wait for your salvation, O LORD, and I follow your commands” (Psalm 119:166).

How does the Lord want me to trust Him, based on His great love and faithfulness from my past experiences and based on His promises?



Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

28: Parents Love Children


Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace.
Psalm 144:12

Sons and daughters who seek the Lord grow in grace and mature in Christ. It brings great joy to parents when they see their children fall in love with Jesus. Their love for the Lord does not compete with, but compliments their devotion to their mother and father.

A mom nurtures her children, and a dad trains his teenagers. One encourages and the other exhorts. Moms care for their young, and dads lead them into young adulthood. Like a well-groomed plant the roots of our offspring need the soil of security in Jesus.

The watering of God’s word keeps them healthy and growing. The warm sunlight of love, and the air of prayer keep them hopeful and alive, so make your home a hot house for heaven.

“I am reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also” (2 Timothy 1:5).

However, sons and daughters do not always sing hymns and attend church. Sometimes they seek to find themselves outside the confines of Christ, and the protection of their parents. When they walk away from wisdom and find foolishness, what is a parent to do?

You love them in spite of their sorry selections. You express disappointment, but you determine to love them even more. You increase your prayers, and you invite them to play. Relationship is the lubricant the Lord uses to oil their hinges of obedience.

“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Sons and daughters astray do not need to hear a sermon from mom and dad, but they do need to feel unconditional love and acceptance. Thank God for your sons and daughters. Seek to understand how the Lord has made them, and then love them at their point of uniqueness.

No child has ever complained about too much love, so love them to the Lord and He will work wonders in their hearts and minds. The Bible says, “He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge” (Proverbs 14:26).

Wisdom for Marriage