AlwaysOnAJourney
Member
Issues on the internet have caused me to think over my entire life. Searching for when things all began. I come to realization that I've probably always been misunderstood. But in real life, I always tried to play by the rules. Therefor it was rare that I got disciplined in school. But I didn't have any friends either. I never could fit in anywhere. Now that all my socializing is done online, I can't seem to find a website that I fit in with. I'm not implying that this is a bad site. I'm just saying that with all that I have lived through, it is hard to get me to put my trust in any place for very long.
Inspiration behind my writings comes from many different sources. Some big and some small. Often times something small happens, and it gets to thinking about other issues. Then I realize that the problem is a lot bigger then just that one small thing. Just a year or two ago, I was lonely looking for a place to talk other Christian people. I found a website called Christian Chat. But my experience there was nothing short of weird. It felt like a big waste of time. I would post something, and instead of people interacting with the heart of the issue, they would attack and discuss my paragraphs. Or leave unkind comments. Eventually I left for that reason.
Getting back to the misunderstanding thing... I thought choosing a user name like: SeekingChrist, made sense, because even after you choose to follow Jesus, you are now on a Christian journey. Always trying to learn more and more about Jesus, and trying to get closer and closer to Jesus. Growing up in your faith etc. But that is not how one person on Christian Chat thought about it. I was in the chatroom, trying to find someone to talk to. Then one guy, started witnessing me. Because He thought that due to my user name, meant that I was not saved yet. I felt frustrated, because this was not the kind of conversation I was interested in having. Really I couldn't figure out how to engage with it. At least guy cared enough to try and get me saved? I still would of preferred if He would of taken the time to get to know me first. After all I what I really wanted was connection.
When I joined Christianity Board, I decided to call myself AlwaysOnAJourney because I felt that it might do a better job relaying what what I meant by my SeekingChrist user name. I went looking for an avatar. Something that could symbolize being on a journey. I thought about books like the Lord of Rings, or even the Chronicles of Narnia. Where people would go on long journeys, which also included a journey of faith, and relationships. When you go on a journey like that, you need some supplies, like food, and some of other things. People put that stuff in a backpack. So I started looking for an avatar of someone hiking. I found a black and white avatar that could represent hiking. To me, that avatar looked like a person. It didn't scream to me male or female. It just was a a person going on a Journey. But as soon as people saw the avatar they started assuming that I am female! I had a really hard time trying to see how they got female out of the avatar. The only thing I could come up with is they were look at it's butt! Since I couldn't find a better avatar I tried to keep using it. Recently on here, I was called a dear sister. I had enough, so I deleted the avatar.
Official link to the avatar:
All of this is just a drop in the bucket. It is hard for me to know where to begin. So in order to get this post done. I'm going to give you couple more serious examples. And this does not cover enough.
Do you remember when myspace first came out? During that era I came across some Christian versions of that site. I started with a site called Xianz. I was on that site for a couple of years trying to meet people and make friends. At the end, I ended up getting banned from site. They held onto my profile and refused honor my request to take it down. Next I was on a site called JCfaith, in the beginning it helped me some, but by the end, I got into some trouble there, and decided I better leave before things got worse. Then there was a site called Shoutlife. I was there and left, and came back again. What happened to me there was really bad. So bad that I feel scared to even speak about it. But they banned me. Someone from Xianz acted like they were my friend, until out of the blue they told me that God told them not to talk to me anymore. I ran into that person again on shoutlife and things got even worse. For a short time, I had an online girlfriend from Xianz. She broke up with me, and eventually wrote a long slander blog about me on myspace. It stayed up for 4 years, and then she finally took it down. We lost touch. There was some other Christian sites I tried out, like HisHolySpace, Living In Black and White, Crossroads, and the Friendship Society. Things didn't work out on those sites either. Even Facebook banned me. Whenever I talk about what I got banned for, people look at me like they never heard of happening like that. I was trying to make friends, and Facebook started complaining about me adding people too quickly and sending out private messages too quickly. The posts people made there, caused me to feel depressed anyways. I wound up on a Social Anxiety Forum, ran by some atheists. For a while they were more accepting of me, but it quickly became boring and depressing. This caused me to go looking for other social anxiety sites. Where things didn't work out. I found myself going back to the first, until I got into trouble and left. Seemed like everyone I clicked with was leaving anyways. I don't know why I have these problems.... I try to follow the rules, and be nice to people. Yet crap just keeps happening to me. I feel burned out. I feel like things are bad enough that I don't feel like I can't fix things with myself. Therefor I'm posting this in the prayer section. I feel that the only one who can help me is God! I hope those of you who read this, can understand.
Inspiration behind my writings comes from many different sources. Some big and some small. Often times something small happens, and it gets to thinking about other issues. Then I realize that the problem is a lot bigger then just that one small thing. Just a year or two ago, I was lonely looking for a place to talk other Christian people. I found a website called Christian Chat. But my experience there was nothing short of weird. It felt like a big waste of time. I would post something, and instead of people interacting with the heart of the issue, they would attack and discuss my paragraphs. Or leave unkind comments. Eventually I left for that reason.
Getting back to the misunderstanding thing... I thought choosing a user name like: SeekingChrist, made sense, because even after you choose to follow Jesus, you are now on a Christian journey. Always trying to learn more and more about Jesus, and trying to get closer and closer to Jesus. Growing up in your faith etc. But that is not how one person on Christian Chat thought about it. I was in the chatroom, trying to find someone to talk to. Then one guy, started witnessing me. Because He thought that due to my user name, meant that I was not saved yet. I felt frustrated, because this was not the kind of conversation I was interested in having. Really I couldn't figure out how to engage with it. At least guy cared enough to try and get me saved? I still would of preferred if He would of taken the time to get to know me first. After all I what I really wanted was connection.
When I joined Christianity Board, I decided to call myself AlwaysOnAJourney because I felt that it might do a better job relaying what what I meant by my SeekingChrist user name. I went looking for an avatar. Something that could symbolize being on a journey. I thought about books like the Lord of Rings, or even the Chronicles of Narnia. Where people would go on long journeys, which also included a journey of faith, and relationships. When you go on a journey like that, you need some supplies, like food, and some of other things. People put that stuff in a backpack. So I started looking for an avatar of someone hiking. I found a black and white avatar that could represent hiking. To me, that avatar looked like a person. It didn't scream to me male or female. It just was a a person going on a Journey. But as soon as people saw the avatar they started assuming that I am female! I had a really hard time trying to see how they got female out of the avatar. The only thing I could come up with is they were look at it's butt! Since I couldn't find a better avatar I tried to keep using it. Recently on here, I was called a dear sister. I had enough, so I deleted the avatar.
Official link to the avatar:
All of this is just a drop in the bucket. It is hard for me to know where to begin. So in order to get this post done. I'm going to give you couple more serious examples. And this does not cover enough.
Do you remember when myspace first came out? During that era I came across some Christian versions of that site. I started with a site called Xianz. I was on that site for a couple of years trying to meet people and make friends. At the end, I ended up getting banned from site. They held onto my profile and refused honor my request to take it down. Next I was on a site called JCfaith, in the beginning it helped me some, but by the end, I got into some trouble there, and decided I better leave before things got worse. Then there was a site called Shoutlife. I was there and left, and came back again. What happened to me there was really bad. So bad that I feel scared to even speak about it. But they banned me. Someone from Xianz acted like they were my friend, until out of the blue they told me that God told them not to talk to me anymore. I ran into that person again on shoutlife and things got even worse. For a short time, I had an online girlfriend from Xianz. She broke up with me, and eventually wrote a long slander blog about me on myspace. It stayed up for 4 years, and then she finally took it down. We lost touch. There was some other Christian sites I tried out, like HisHolySpace, Living In Black and White, Crossroads, and the Friendship Society. Things didn't work out on those sites either. Even Facebook banned me. Whenever I talk about what I got banned for, people look at me like they never heard of happening like that. I was trying to make friends, and Facebook started complaining about me adding people too quickly and sending out private messages too quickly. The posts people made there, caused me to feel depressed anyways. I wound up on a Social Anxiety Forum, ran by some atheists. For a while they were more accepting of me, but it quickly became boring and depressing. This caused me to go looking for other social anxiety sites. Where things didn't work out. I found myself going back to the first, until I got into trouble and left. Seemed like everyone I clicked with was leaving anyways. I don't know why I have these problems.... I try to follow the rules, and be nice to people. Yet crap just keeps happening to me. I feel burned out. I feel like things are bad enough that I don't feel like I can't fix things with myself. Therefor I'm posting this in the prayer section. I feel that the only one who can help me is God! I hope those of you who read this, can understand.
