Wisdom for Marriage

[Nannette]

1: Love Is Patient

Love is patient. It is patient because it is more concerned with the welfare of another than its own needs. It is patient because it is more motivated to make the relationship right than to be right. Patience is the prerogative of the person who loves, so love can’t help but be patient.

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
I Corinthians 13:4

It is the job description of everyone who loves because patience is the fruit of people filled with the Holy Spirit. Patience comes out of your heart when love dominates it (Ephesians 4:2). When the pressure of life squeezes you, patience comes out. Like a chocolate covered cherry, there is something delicious on the inside.

Furthermore, patience stunts anger’s growth by not feeding its appetite. It lovingly replaces anger with grace and forgiveness. Patience understands that most anger is destructive and self-centered, so it deflects anger by being other-centered. It looks out for the welfare of other human beings for their sake and for the purpose of being an image bearer of Christ.

When people see patience, they see the example of Jesus’ attitude and behavior. He was more patient with sinners who didn’t know any better than He was with religious leaders who should have known better (John 8:7).

Patience oozed out of the pores of Christ’s character like a perspiring body on a sultry summer day at the beach. Patience is a priority for people who seek to love as their Savior loves. Indeed, patience is not reserved for the radically righteous, but is accessible for all who desire to love.

So, learn to love in a patient manner. The reason you are patient with your spouse is because you love him or her. The reason you are patient with people who make you uncomfortable is that you love them. There is a difference between being reluctantly tolerant and lovingly patient.

Patience begins with loving oneself, so do not despise or look down on how God has made you. If you don’t love and respect yourself you will be impatient with your love and respect of others, so relax. The second greatest command: love others as you love yourself (Matthew 22:37-39).

Jesus patiently loves you just as you are. Therefore, you can love others and exercise patience in the same unconditional way Christ loves you. Patient people actively and meaningfully plan to love, so be patient on the phone with the incompetent customer representative.

Be patient with your single-parent restaurant server who is tired, afraid, and anxious. Be patient with your family member who is outside of the faith and uncomfortable with your character. You love when you are patient. Therefore, pray for patience, and you will increase your capacity to love. Be like Jesus, and be a patient lover of people.

How can I patiently love my spouses with the patient love of the Lord?

Related Readings: Nehemiah 9:30; Proverbs 16:33; James 5:7; 2 Peter 3:9


Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

2: Love Is Kind

Kindness means you are pleasant to be around because your countenance is inviting and shows interest. It is as much an attitude as anything, and it is the ability to see beyond the immediate to the potential. Kindness means you go out of your way to love others.

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. 1 Corinthians 13:4

People who are unlovable become prime candidates for your kindness. A family member who is far from God, deep down desires unconditional love and kindness. Kindness is a natural application of love because it makes one feel loved. It is the ability to be accepting when everything within you wants to be rejecting. It is a strategy for forgiveness when you are wronged or when someone takes advantage of you. When your trusting spirit has been violated, you still love by being kind—stop fighting and start forgiving.

Love keeps you kind, especially toward those who are closest to you. They do not deserve you dredging up hurtful, bitter, and unforgiving words from the past. Love is kind in its conversations. Harsh and abrasive speech is absent from kind conversation. Love produces words that are “kind and tenderhearted” (Ephesians 4:32).

Love is able to extend kind words that cheer up heavy hearts (Proverbs 16:24). Pray to God for kindness to reign in your relationships with kids and teenagers. Children translate kindness into love, for it is their language of love.

The temptation is to disrespect when we have been disrespected, and the natural response is to become angry when someone else spews out his or her frustrations on us. But God has not called us to natural responses but supernatural ones.

Kindness in the face of frustration is a fruit of the Spirit, and only through submission to your Savior will kindness become front and center. The fullness of the Holy Spirit in your life is what causes kindness to come forth.

Lastly, loving others with kindness does not preclude difficult decisions. Kindness is not patronizing, but it is authentic care and concern, and it is able to deliver hard truth that softens hard hearts. You can dismiss an employee with kindness or disagree with kindness.

Harshness has no hold on those who are controlled by Christ. Therefore, kindly love people through difficult situations. Serve those who are experiencing financial difficulties, for example. Kindness is king for followers of King Jesus, so love with kindness and watch them come around and embrace Christ.

Kindness kills sin and sadness, and it brings to life love, forgiveness, and hope. Allow Jesus’ loving kindness to flow through you, for kindness toward the needy honors God (Proverbs 14:31). Kindness resides where love is applied.

What hard conversation do I need to have with a kind attitude?


Related Readings: Ruth 3:20; Job 6:14; 2 Cor. 6:6; Colossians 3:12



Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

3: Love Does Not Envy / I Corinthians 13:4


Love is not envious. It celebrates the good fortune of others and smiles when someone succeeds because love is an envy eraser. It can’t wait for someone else to reach their goals and get the attention and accolades, for it is emotionally secure and mature.

Love does not depend on the “desire to get” for contentment, because its contentment rests with Christ. It is content knowing that God “rains on the just and on the unjust” (Matthew 5:45). God’s grace and blessing cannot be figured out or bottled in a formula, for He withholds or gives His blessing at His discretion.
Christ, of course, has established principles that, if obeyed, lead to blessing (Psalm 119:1-2). If you obey your parents, you will be blessed by their wisdom, experience, and love. If you follow the laws of the land, you will be free from serving a prison term or paying fines.

God’s truth can be applied and benefited from by both believers and unbelievers. His ways work; so don’t get worked up when the wicked succeed. Success in life is an option for anyone who implements the principles embedded in God’s Word. Envy attracts the immature, the insecure, the greedy, and the faithless.

Comparison with people is an incubator for envy. Instead, reserve your comparisons for the character of Christ and be comfortable with yourself. Your personality, your looks and your gifts are from God, so be whom God created. Love is content to be God’s unique creation. Envy looks at the stuff of others and salivates for the same.

Envy wants to get, while love wants to give. It wants a woman’s smooth skin, a man’s car, or wealth’s options. Love overcomes these sometimes surreal and selfish desires by finding contentment in Christ. Thus seek affirmation from Almighty God in place of the acquisition of stuff.

Love is well versed in congratulating, by making milestones into big deals. For example, completed projects, anniversaries, and birthdays are celebrated as a work team or family. Moreover, a sure remedy for envy is giving. Love gives sincere compliments, money, credit, time, and it gives the benefit of the doubt.

Love’s generosity deflates envy’s influence. Wish well those who have done well and be grateful to God for their good fortune. A mature man or woman is motivated to excellence by those who have achieved. Love those who succeed, and recognize their achievements. Promote your protégé or be glad for the success of your ex-spouse.

Learn from, don’t loathe, your competition. Love your enemies (Luke 6:35) and pray for them, and love those who forgot you after you helped them succeed. Envy leads to a life of discontentment and sorrow, but love is Christ-centered, content, and joyful. Envy has no place for a person who lavishly loves God and people.

How can I celebrate the accomplishment of others with love and respect?

Related Readings: Proverbs 14:30; 23:17; Mark 7:21-23; James 3:14-16


Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Nannette]

4: Love Does Not Boast / I Corinthians 13:4

Love does not need to brag because those who boast seek security within themselves. Boasting is for those who need something more than eternity’s endorsement. It is bad because it brings the attention down to one person instead of the team.

This is a struggle for all of us because we want our peers to admire our abilities and our accomplishments, and we want them to see us as intelligent and capable. We want to be perceived as spiritually mature and we want to have a reputation as a man or woman who loves and respects our spouse and our family.

We want to reveal our résumé and say that the reason we’re in our current position is our hard work and perseverance. Our flesh lobbies for recognition. Even the most committed of Jesus’ disciples struggled with taming their egos. James and John wanted to know on which side of the throne they would sit when Christ entered into His kingdom (Mark 10:37-40).

However, love learns to leave these matters in the Lord’s hands by deflecting attention away from itself. It is the ability to tell a story without having to be the lead actor in the plot. Love lifts up others and lowers itself. You are able to bring out the best in people because you extend to them sincere compliments and affirmation. Love is not all about you, but all about others.

Love seeks ways to give its Savior credit for accomplishments. It is not a flippant, “Praise the Lord!” Rather, it is heartfelt humility and thankfulness. Our communication with body language and words says that without God, we fail. He answers prayer by giving us wisdom.

He grows our character and forgives our sin. He blesses us with family and friends who love Him. Love looks long and hard to the Lord, and any boasting is limited to Him. James describes the sin of self-boasting, “As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil” (James 4:16).

Love smothers the need to brag, and it is so caught up with reaching out to others that it forgets to stick a feather in its own cap. Love wants to know what you know by understanding your passions, fears, and dreams. Bragging is all about self; love is all about others.

Ironically, boasting is totally unnecessary because the truth will eventually triumph. You do not have to tell others what they already know or will discover. Love understands this and rests, knowing that the revelation of who you are will come out over time, good or bad.

Love trusts God to elevate its standing in His timing. Boasting repels people, but love draws them inward. Therefore, invite people in with your love and lead them to the Lord. He gets the glory, and you get the incredible satisfaction of following Him. Above all else, let your love brag on Jesus. Give God glory and give people credit for your success.

How can I better brag on the Lord and people and avoid recognition?

Related Readings: Psalm 44:8; Proverbs 27:1; 2 Corinthians 12:5-9



Wisdom for Marriage

 

[Complete]

'Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife,
even as Christ is the head of the church;
and He is the Saviour of the body.
Therefore as the church is subject to Christ,
so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it,
that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word,
that He might present it to Himself as the glorious church,
without spot or wrinkle or any such things,
but that it should be holy and without blemish.
So men ought to love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it,
even as the Lord loves the church.
For we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones.
For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife,
and the two of them shall be one flesh."
This is a great mystery,
but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
But also let everyone of you in particular so love his wife even as himself,
and the wife that she defers to her husband.'
(Eph 5:22-33)

 

[Nannette]

5: Love Is Not Proud / I Corinthians 13:4

Love is not proud. Indeed, there is no room for pride in a heart of love. Pride is an anchor to love that restrains its rich offering. It prolongs the inability to love by short-circuiting the effect of agape love. Pride is a precursor to loveless living; it struggles with love because it requires a focus off itself and onto others.

Pride is deceptive, as it always negotiates for its own benefit. There is a driving force behind pride that is unhealthy and unnecessary. Moreover, it is indiscriminate in its seduction of either gender. Men may be the most susceptible to pride’s illusion, but women can be deceived just as well. Eve fell into this trap in her encounter with the devil (1 Timothy 2:14).

Pride’s feeling of superiority slices into the soul like a surgeon’s scalpel. It inserts its influence deep and wide. You can be controlled and wired by pride and not even know it. Love longs to have the same status as power-hungry pride. Love seeks to defuse pride’s time bomb of terror and coercion. Love outlasts pride if applied humbly and heavily.

Instead of demanding its own way, love seeks to make those around it successful. Love listens; pride talks. Love forgives; pride resents. Love gives; pride takes. Love apologizes; pride blames. Love understands; pride assumes. Love accepts; pride rejects. Love trusts; pride doubts. Love asks; pride tells. Love leads; pride drives.

Love frees up; pride binds up. Love builds up; pride tears down. Love encourages; pride discourages. Love confronts; pride is passive-aggressive. Love is peaceful; pride is fearful. Love clarifies with truth; pride confuses with lies. But, love comes alive with humility.

Most important, humility is a hotbed of love. It has the opposite effect on love than does pride. Humility invites love to take up permanent residence in the human heart. Love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), and humility understands that love is reserved for all.

Love forgives even the worst of sinners, as pride struggles in a life of bitterness and resentment, thinking somehow it is paying back the offender. This state of unresolved anger only eats up the one unable to love and forgive. Furthermore, humility positions you to love and be loved. Humility knows it needs help in receiving agape love.

Your humble heart yearns for love from your Lord Jesus Christ.

Once you receive the love of your heavenly Father, you can’t help but give it to others. As you receive love, you are capable of giving love.

Therefore, let the Lord love on you and allow others to love you, so you can, in turn, love. Proud hearts melt under the influence of intense and unconditional love. The calling of Christians is perpetual love; so be guilty of love. Your love is healing and inviting. Pride exits when humility enters, and then you are in a position to love.

How can I cultivate a life that loves liberally from a humble heart?

Related Readings: Psalm 31:23; 2 Timothy 3:2; Colossians 3:12

Wisdom for Marriage