When She's Not Your BFF

[Olde Tymer]

.
● Eph 5:25-27 . . Husbands love your wives

The Greek verb translated "love" in that passage is from agapao (ag-ap-ah'-o)
which is an easy kind of love to practice because it's more about benevolence than
affection. Agapao-- unlike phileo (fil-eh'-o) --doesn't require that we like people or
be fond of them.

Examples of agapao are: kindness, courtesy, greetings, civility, loyalty, charity,
thoughtfulness, sympathy, lenience, tolerance, patience, long suffering, deference,
hospitality, generosity, etc.

This is very fortunate because some wives are impossible to like. However, the
command to love one's enemies also applies in a husband's relationship with a
difficult woman who's just as much his enemy as any other.
_

 

[Olde Tymer]

.
● Eph 5:28-33a . . Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who
loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds
and cares for it, just as Christ does the church-- for we are members of his body.

. . . For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his
wife, and the two will become one flesh. That's a profound mystery-- but I am
talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his
wife as he loves himself,

That, of course, is a practical application of the so-called golden rule; which first
shows up in the Bible at Lev 19:18, is applied at Lev 19:34, and reiterated at Matt
7:12 and Luke 6:31.

The opposite of the golden rule would be for a husband to do unto his wife the very
things that he does not enjoy being done to himself; either by word or by deed.

I'm not a qualified marriage counselor, but in my unprofessional opinion, were
couples to practice the golden rule in their association with each other, it would go
a long ways towards preventing their relationship from becoming a cold war instead
of a home.

There are toxic wives out there who do not deserve their husband's affections; and
in fact have done all in their power to destroy them. Nevertheless, it is his Christian
duty to continue looking after her, and to treat her well as if his very life depended
upon it in spite of the fact that she may be someone he deeply regrets courting.
_

 

[Olde Tymer]

.
● 1Pet 3:7a . . Give honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel

NOTE: Although husbands are superior in a Christian marriage, their position
doesn't grant them carte blanch to mistreat their wives any more than Jesus has
carte blanch to mistreat his church. (cf. Eph 5:28-30)

The Greek word for "honor" basically means: a value, i.e. money paid.

The word for "weaker" basically means: having no strength, i.e. fragile.

And the word for "vessel" basically indicates anything from a soup bowl to a
cardboard box; in other words: a container.

Peter isn't saying women are physically weaker than men; but that Christian
husbands should exercise the same care with their wives as they would a fragile
antique worth thousands of dollars like, say, a Ming vase. Nobody in their right
mind handles a Ming vase like a farmer handles a 5-gallon bucket. Not that some
women couldn't take that kind of handling; it's just that its unbecoming for a
Christian man to lack sensitivity.

This particular assessed value isn't an intrinsic value, nor is it a deserved value
either; but rather, it's a gratuitous value. In other words: Christ commands
Christian husbands to categorize their wives up there with Dresden china even if
she's as tough as a female cop and/or a UFC mixed martial artist the likes of
Rhonda Rousey-- and this is not a choice; no, it isn't optional; it's required.

Christian husbands who treat their Skil saws and their tomato plants with more
care and concern than they treat their wives can just forget about associating with
God on any meaningful level.

● 1Pet 3:7b . . as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not
hindered.

Note the word "together" which is quite the opposite of autonomy and/or
independence.

Couples sometimes assert themselves with words like "What I do is between me
and The Lord." No; marriage changes everything between one's self and The Lord
because people become one flesh in marriage: no longer two sovereign individuals.
_

 

[Olde Tymer]

.
I pretty much know for my own self alone what Christ expects of husbands in
marriage, but it's up to each women alone to know for her own self what he
expects of wives.

BTW: Prior to my wife's conversion, she was a feminist. But you'd never guess
because Christianity has been remarkably thorough in breaking that movement's
hold on her thinking and on the way she related to men.

Ironically; I was a hard-core misogynist prior to my own conversion and was
convinced I could never be happy with any woman. But 44+ years of marriage to
the former feminist girl I live with has proven me mistaken. viz: we've both benefited
tremendously from Christ's instructions: they work for us.
_

 

[Olde Tymer]

.
My favorite husband in the Bible has to be Jacob ben Isaac.

When it came time to break off his association with uncle Laban, Jacob called his
two wives Leah and Rachel out to a private place to discuss with them his reasons
for wanting to pack up and move back home.

You know; Jacob didn't have to do that. In the culture of that day and age, and in
that region, husbands were monarchs. Had he wanted, Jacob could've just simply
announced the move instead of talking it over with Leah and Rachel and they
would've been expected to cooperate.

Jacob also could've invoked Yahweh's edict, which says:

"Your husband . . he shall rule over you."

But rulers aren't required to be thoughtless beasts like North Korea's Kim Jong-un.
They're allowed to be reasonable men who make an effort to govern with the best
interests of their people at heart instead of their own. (cf. 2Sam 23:3-4) I would
definitely put Jacob in the "reasonable men" category
_

 

[Olde Tymer]

.
● Rom 8:11 . . If the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you,
He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through
His spirit, who lives in you.

Now; that passage may seem to be talking about characteristics pertaining to a
resurrected body, but it actually pertains to the mortal body. So then Christians
who start out in a deplorable spiritual condition really ought to be experiencing
improvements from time to time. Maybe they won't notice, but others who've
known them for an extended period should very definitely be impressed.

● 1Tim 4:15 . . Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that
everyone may see your progress.

Well; if not impressed then at least curious.

● John 3:6-8 . . Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit . . .The
wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it
comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.

Back in the last century, I worked nearly thirteen years in a boatyard located on
Shelter Island San Diego. After about ten years there, and by then well known
thereabouts as a woman-hating loner, I realized that my strong dislike for women
had softened and I was wanting to be a daddy. So I bought some decent clothes,
repainted my car, joined a massive single's group in a church located in Spring
Valley, and started looking for a spouse.

Well; the boatyard supervisor became very curious about my attitude adjustment
and wanted to know how I did it. My own will power? I replied that people were
praying for me. Well; that was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. He was also
seeing some of the results of Rom 8:11 but I couldn't tell him that because he was
mostly secular and would never buy into it.
_