AlwaysOnAJourney
Member
I feel that I have reached the point in my life where I need to let the Church go. I need to say bye bye to the Church, as a whole. I am not sure where I am at with Jesus right now. But back in 1999, I was the last time I was an active member of a Church. I needed spiritual and emotional help, to get my faith squared away. I have nothing against my youth pastor. I know He was trying to do what is right for the youth group. But due to what the senior pastor was doing, and not allowing him to do. He had to leave that Church. To put in simply, the only pastor I could talk with about my spiritual walk with Jesus went away, and I have never been successful in replacing him.
Since my youth pastor had left the Church I turned to the senior pastor, and set down and told him my troubles. He was nice and had me come forward and everyone laid hands on me and prayed for me. However there was still really big issues going on behind the scenes at that Church. The senior pastor was the guy who was causing most of it. The workers of the Church all decided that they couldn't take it anymore, and they all left too. My Parents also decided to leave. Because we as a family chose to leave, the senior pastor decided to us as an escape goat for his problems.
We have tried many other Churches after that, and found that they are not friendly to us. It feels like they just look at us, and decide that they don't care to get to know us, no matter what.
Since 2002, I have tried to be active on Christian social sites. But I never fit into those sites. I am grateful to the person or persons who invited me here. But I don't fit in here either. I have no skills to offer anyone, and I have no interest in getting involved with 90% of the things people talk about. I think what people choose to talk about on Christian social sites is detrimental. It is like, how many times do you want to argue your point of view??? How many people do you really convert to your point of view???? You got to be someone that really believes His point of view is correct and everyone else needs to join in. But join in why??? What will happen if they don't? Are they going to go to Hell if they don't see it your way?
The bottom line for me is, I need friends, and not people to just sit around and argue with. I need people in my life that doesn't base friendship on paper thin views. That whenever I need to change my view a little, or I get frustrated with a view, they don't just say "goodbye". But in my many years of experience, I have learned that in order to have a friendship, one must agree with that person in everything. Or it's "goodbye".
After all of these years, I feel that something has changed in me. I find myself saying: "I don't care" "I don't care" "I don't care". What if you go to hell? "I don't care" Why not? "Nothing I can do about it." So funny how Christianity has turned into a works based system. Always constantly looking for a way to be right with Jesus. And if you feel like you are already right with Jesus, then your always looking for a way to get other people to hop onto your view.
I want security in salvation as much as the next guy. But I don't believe I can ever find that. Following Jesus is about putting all of your faith in Him! I struggle with that faith. So as long as I struggle with that faith, I will never feel that security.
I think and agree with anyone that says, "talking to a pastor about this is the only way and right thing to do" Sadly my disability, and my situation, prevents that from happening. All is left is prayer, and I have prayed about this issue for years and years, and nothing has gotten better.
I feel that for my own emotional state, and to prevent me from infecting other Christians with my twisted mind, I need to say "goodbye".
Since my youth pastor had left the Church I turned to the senior pastor, and set down and told him my troubles. He was nice and had me come forward and everyone laid hands on me and prayed for me. However there was still really big issues going on behind the scenes at that Church. The senior pastor was the guy who was causing most of it. The workers of the Church all decided that they couldn't take it anymore, and they all left too. My Parents also decided to leave. Because we as a family chose to leave, the senior pastor decided to us as an escape goat for his problems.
We have tried many other Churches after that, and found that they are not friendly to us. It feels like they just look at us, and decide that they don't care to get to know us, no matter what.
Since 2002, I have tried to be active on Christian social sites. But I never fit into those sites. I am grateful to the person or persons who invited me here. But I don't fit in here either. I have no skills to offer anyone, and I have no interest in getting involved with 90% of the things people talk about. I think what people choose to talk about on Christian social sites is detrimental. It is like, how many times do you want to argue your point of view??? How many people do you really convert to your point of view???? You got to be someone that really believes His point of view is correct and everyone else needs to join in. But join in why??? What will happen if they don't? Are they going to go to Hell if they don't see it your way?
The bottom line for me is, I need friends, and not people to just sit around and argue with. I need people in my life that doesn't base friendship on paper thin views. That whenever I need to change my view a little, or I get frustrated with a view, they don't just say "goodbye". But in my many years of experience, I have learned that in order to have a friendship, one must agree with that person in everything. Or it's "goodbye".
After all of these years, I feel that something has changed in me. I find myself saying: "I don't care" "I don't care" "I don't care". What if you go to hell? "I don't care" Why not? "Nothing I can do about it." So funny how Christianity has turned into a works based system. Always constantly looking for a way to be right with Jesus. And if you feel like you are already right with Jesus, then your always looking for a way to get other people to hop onto your view.
I want security in salvation as much as the next guy. But I don't believe I can ever find that. Following Jesus is about putting all of your faith in Him! I struggle with that faith. So as long as I struggle with that faith, I will never feel that security.
I think and agree with anyone that says, "talking to a pastor about this is the only way and right thing to do" Sadly my disability, and my situation, prevents that from happening. All is left is prayer, and I have prayed about this issue for years and years, and nothing has gotten better.
I feel that for my own emotional state, and to prevent me from infecting other Christians with my twisted mind, I need to say "goodbye".
