AlwaysOnAJourney
Active Member
I had this friend that said they felt called into missions. They joined YWAM which according to my research is a mixed bag of good and bad. However also according to my research all the people have big hearts for Jesus and missions, even if the way they go about it might be considered a cult. I have been trying to resist following my 'friend' on social media. The reason is social media has a way of making me worse about myself. It appears, in a black and white picture, that she finally got married there. Due to the way she treated me at work, I could feel an emotional connection in myself to her. It was not something I wanted to have happen, but it happened anyways. Because of this turmoil inside myself I have tried praying in multiple different directions to see which way God would choose to answer, and above to relieve the emotional pain and obsession.
I often find myself questioning my relationship with Jesus because I don't have a good relationship with His Church and I have trouble getting my prayers answered. I often wonder if I'm doing something wrong, or sinful that caused this. Yet on the other hand I feel like maybe I am just common place clay. In other words I am not created for greatness. To make things worse, Christian people on the internet, often don't tell me the things I need to hear to feel better about my walk with Jesus. Instead they seem to think that they need to correct me in some way. The advice they give doesn't seem to work.
You got to understand, I wonder about sinning, because it is not my intention to sin against Jesus. I want to be in fellowship with other believers. But life circumstances have prevented it. The only way I could get back to Church is to forcefully make myself to try to do it. I have a learning disability that causes my difficulties, with driving. I have a job the makes me overly tired all the time. These two things together plus the way my parents have gotten, has made this a very very difficult thing to do. And to top it all off, when I have been in Church, and I was for my entire life up to 2020, nobody seemed to care about me or my family anyways. Due to the lack of fellowship, there, my parents even decided not to go back. That is saying something considering how many years they were going to Church, and my dad was even a minister for a time.
I often find myself questioning my relationship with Jesus because I don't have a good relationship with His Church and I have trouble getting my prayers answered. I often wonder if I'm doing something wrong, or sinful that caused this. Yet on the other hand I feel like maybe I am just common place clay. In other words I am not created for greatness. To make things worse, Christian people on the internet, often don't tell me the things I need to hear to feel better about my walk with Jesus. Instead they seem to think that they need to correct me in some way. The advice they give doesn't seem to work.
You got to understand, I wonder about sinning, because it is not my intention to sin against Jesus. I want to be in fellowship with other believers. But life circumstances have prevented it. The only way I could get back to Church is to forcefully make myself to try to do it. I have a learning disability that causes my difficulties, with driving. I have a job the makes me overly tired all the time. These two things together plus the way my parents have gotten, has made this a very very difficult thing to do. And to top it all off, when I have been in Church, and I was for my entire life up to 2020, nobody seemed to care about me or my family anyways. Due to the lack of fellowship, there, my parents even decided not to go back. That is saying something considering how many years they were going to Church, and my dad was even a minister for a time.
